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Dividing Lines

from Growing up Gay by Chris Conde

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lyrics

I’m sick of lying sick of dying I’m sick of using / excuses proving useless to me defusing my movement deluded improvements delusions intruding my usefulness to myself and anyone who choose to do this but dude this / isn’t easy i’m leaning over the median / I’m thinking is it easier to drink and smoke weed again? I’m sinking in these toxic thoughts I’ve locked in boxes / but haven’t tossed out / my God, I’m scared and nauseous of the consequence / but I can’t comprehend the pain subsiding, so I hide inside my rhymes and wait for light to find me / I been blinded by the writhing in my chest so I decide to find what’s next to satisfy and satiate / hush the quaking of aching / breaker breaker 1-9 Universe are you listening? Want to kill myself but i know that my mom will miss me / what am i supposed to do what the fuck is missing / wrote this song before man this rap just feels like a lip sync / am i fucking crazy? Or am I just depressed? I’m smoking cigarettes / my apartment’s a fucking mess / I guess I’m lazy but when I wake up, I can’t get dressed / and If i’m not working I mostly stay inside my bed / am I dead am I a ghost I almost hope so ‘cause then bro, I really know it’s all a show on repeat for you living folk, but seriously though, I just don’t know, I lost my flow / my rhythms strange, my skin is strange / I feel insane, I want to go

Everyday I work for this, everyday I search for worth inside this sort of worthless mess / do I deserve this gift? ‘Cause when i slide these lyrics from my lips I feel some a sort of purpose is in it / like i was made to do it, like i was made to fluildly move yall to this music / and I’’ll pursue it like lovers in the last scene of a movie / ‘til there’s nothing left to say or one of us is dead like Romeo and Juliet, hold me to this, I load and shoot this birth of verses in hope to you that / they be congruent in fueling a positive recruitment of juice profusely used as a booster of usefulness I fire this bazooka of truth as a future eucharist. I”m alive and i got the fire bro who would guess that all this bullshit I would go through would be used to get, you and I to be divided less I kinda guess, that I was sent to find dividing lines and rhyme ‘til we connect.

credits

from Growing up Gay, released January 1, 2019
prod. by. Casey Keyworth

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Chris Conde Brooklyn, New York

Matching technical lyricism with subversive, punk rock bravado queer Brooklyn rapper Chris Conde’s live show tells the story of the rapper’s voyage out of drug addiction and internalized homophobia. It’s a blood-letting ritual punctuated by the Brooklynite’s sex-positive prowess that continues to challenge and inspire his audiences, while dramatically shifting the landscape of indie hip-hop. ... more

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