We’ve updated our Terms of Use to reflect our new entity name and address. You can review the changes here.
We’ve updated our Terms of Use. You can review the changes here.

Growing up Gay

from Growing up Gay by Chris Conde

supported by
/
  • Streaming + Download

    Includes unlimited streaming via the free Bandcamp app, plus high-quality download in MP3, FLAC and more.
    Purchasable with gift card

      $1 USD  or more

     

lyrics

I don't really rap about it felt no need to explain it / because being gay was just a facet of what i was relating / getting sober was more the boulders on my shoulders and weighed in on my lyrical writing processes back when I first came in to the scene / I mean I think I'm always keeping it honest as much as anyone can especially with all this vomit of hate / invading that’s sprayed, raped and painted upon us / I've waited and a lot of years to explain my sorry so I'm a / relate a little of growing up the gay and little and finding out you don't like the same shit as they do in middle school / a kid confused about liking dudes hoping it's not true / what will I do if I'm accused yo maybe it's all cool Will & Grace is on TV so maybe it's all good / but why do I feel like God hates me if it is all good / it's fucking weird I think I'm queer so maybe beer is the answer and the more that I drink the more I think I'm less of a cancer / what kind of 12-year-old thinks that / I think back and I'm grateful I didn't lean back / on that railing in Turkey and succumb to the lurking thoughts of suicide and self hurting I'm glad I'm not burdened by my internalized homophobic unworthiness / lift my skinny fists to the heavens like I don't deserve this shit / like god I don't deserve this shit / I’d rather drown, be buried alive and never heard from again yo

It took a long time for us to get here so
You will recognize all that we have been through

A couple years later / I'm trying to find a savior someone to rescue him from all of my depression despair and anxiety / so one night I find myself inviting a higher being into my life and then finally / I feel peace for the first time I don't think for the first time in a long time about being deceased in the worst kinds of ways / but in the back of my mind I know I decided to deny my inner self that I'm gay / but if I pray real hard they say these feelings will fade / that my attraction to men will all be taken away / but I never noticed a change and I spent those next years a slave / to it dogma that caused a lot of empty bottles and veins filled painkillers insane feelings of shame I hate feeling like I just plain hate feeling / So I drank snorted shot smoked stared at the ceiling / slowly falling into a void of oblivion / a little bit of back and forth and a couple little slips /I decided it was time for a life I could live / It was time for a switch / for a flip in the script / with the flick of a switch / caught a glimpse of a kid / underneath all this shit / I believe I'm a gift /I believe I can live / yea I'm waving a flag with a rainbow on it and I'm taking no shit / Orlando 2016 this song is for that / for every gay kid out there who was ever made to feel bad / or ashamed of things they can't change yea it's with you I stand / we are equal to humanity we are never less than.

credits

from Growing up Gay, released January 1, 2019
prod. by Venetian Snares
remixed by Ryan Galvan

license

all rights reserved

tags

about

Chris Conde Brooklyn, New York

As a plus-size queer rapper, Chris Conde combines the classically detached spheres of hip hop, indie rock and avant-garde experimental art punk of the drag variety. In their sometimes hysterical but always poignant bars, Conde strives to relate to their audience through an honest communication of overcoming drug addiction, internalized homophobia and self-acceptance. ... more

contact / help

Contact Chris Conde

Streaming and
Download help

Redeem code

Report this track or account

If you like Chris Conde, you may also like: